We have come so far
by HuddyJibbsAddict
Summary: A series of Snow Queen prompts starting with some from Tumblr's Snow Queen Week: Day 3 Rumours, Day 4 Night Terrors & Day 7 Free Day. Day 7 posted: You're not dying, adressing the cut Missing Year scene where Snow and Charming find Regina's 'suicide note'
1. Rumour has it

_A/N: Originally posted for Snow Queen Week Day 3: Rumours on Tumblr. Set in the Enchanted Forest pre-Curse. Many Thanks to my darling Lolymoon for her input and encouragements. Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine._

 _Enjoy, and please tell me what you think :)_

* * *

 **Rumour has it**

Whispers the servants thought she couldn't hear, sad looks thrown her way when they believed she wasn't looking, and she quickened her pace, rubbing her arms to calm her shivers, almost running to her destination.

She told herself it came from the chill caused by the cold winter air slowly invading the Palace, but it was set too deep in her bones to only be an effect of the changing weather.

 _"He will send her away soon enough."_

 _"Three years and no heir to show, not even a hint of a rounder belly. She almost never accompanies them on their trips, the foreign envoys barely know her…."_

 _"And there is the Beast too, appearing out of nowhere as if he belongs here and she doesn't seem to be bothered by his presence. The King can't allow that."_

 _"It hasn't been proven, no one has caught them together…"_

 _"Oh please, we all know."_

 _"It doesn't matter. He has a hundred other reasons to get rid of her. Not that she will care much. That woman is so cold I don't think anything can affect her."_

 _"Surely he can find someone else better fit of the title of Queen and to raise the Princess."_

She was shaking as she remembered the conversation she had heard between one of her father's closest counselors and Johanna. It could not be happening, she would not let it happen.

She shouldn't be there, she was awaited in the stables for her daily lesson, and she wanted to show Regina how much progress she had made, she wanted her to be proud. The servants would look for her but she couldn't do this, not today.

Snow burst into her stepmother's chambers, not bothering to knock, there was no time to lose. She found Regina sitting straight and stiffly on her settee in front of the fireplace, a closed book on her lap, staring intently into the flames, as if they were somehow speaking to her.

"We talked about that knocking thing, Snow," Regina said, not moving her gaze away from the dancing flames but knowing, always knowing, who dared to trespass.

 _Cold._

 _Unfeeling._

 _Unworthy of even kissing the ground Queen Eva walked on._

 _Where is the sweet young woman the Princess talked so highly about?_

Snow shook her head, pushing away those dark thoughts.

"Mother," she called out, her tone bordering on desperate and Regina turned towards her, her expression softening when she took in her stepdaughter's distress.

"Whatever is the matter, Princess?" The young Queen asked in a gentle tone, and the last bit of control Snow had over her emotions snapped. She ran to her clumsily, tripping over her own feet as she did, never quite able to achieve Regina's natural gracious moves.

She threw herself on her lap, the book hindering her landing on the ground with a thud. Regina was frozen for a moment but Snow only tightened her hold, her tears falling, drenching the thin and rich material of her stepmother's dress.

Regina sighed and slowly caressed the girl's hair, wondering what on Earth could have her in such a state. She could feel her mumbling something against her thigh but had no idea what it was.

"Use your words dear," She exhaled tiredly, continuing her gentle petting. It had become second nature for her to detach herself from her true feelings to do what was expected of her as Snow's stepmother.

"I won't let them take you away from me," Snow repeated more clearly though her sentence was chopped by her sobs.

"What could you possibly mean by that, Snow? I'm not going anywhere," Regina tried to cover the bitterness she felt at this notion but she wasn't entirely sure she succeeded.

"I heard them talking, they said Father will send you away because, be… because…" the girl floundered, hiding her face in the fabric of Regina's gown once more.

"Snow, what are you talking about? And please stop this nonsense," the Queen told her stepdaughter, summoning all the patience she could manage and Snow straightened up slowly, wiping her eyes and nose with her sleeve in a decidedly not regal manner.

"You didn't give my father an heir, they say he will repudiate you," the girl frowned and wrinkled her nose at the last part, as if the word itself tasted sour as she spoke it. "I don't want that to happen!" She exclaimed.

For a moment, just a moment, Regina felt a sparkle of hope, hope that it could really be true, that maybe her freedom was around the corner but it deflated as soon as it came.

"Snow, I don't know where you heard this but I don't think you eavesdropped on the right people," and the Princess looked down flushing at that. "Your father doesn't need an heir, dear," _and especially not from me_ , she added in her mind. "He already has you. What do you think would happen if a little Prince were to come along? He would take your place, and all that hard work to groom you into one day leading the kingdom will have been for nothing," Regina could hardly believe she was comforting the girl like that, what the hell was wrong with her?

Snow studied her for a while, she so wanted to believe it was true, but what if her stepmother was only deluding herself?

"Do you really think that?" She asked timidly.

Regina smiled slightly. "I know it, Snow. Your father very specifically told me you are all he needs, so you see there is nothing to worry your pretty head about," _no matter how much I wish it wasn't the case_.

The Princess bit her lip in thought. "It's just that we have been away quite frequently lately and I thought it may have been a way to deal the blow more gently. Perhaps they thought I would miss you less if we didn't see much of each other," her tears welled up again and she hugged her stepmother tightly. "I don't want to lose another mother," she cried out, sobs starting anew.

"You won't, my darling," Regina said, accepting the embrace, returning it even, while thinking _I will never be free from this place as long as you both live, of that you can be certain_.

The doors of her chambers burst open for the second time and the sight of Snow's guard dog annoyed her to no end.

"Princess, there you are! I looked all over for you," Johanna blurted out. "Your father is requiring your presence for dinner immediately," she announced.

Snow stiffened around Regina before turning towards her handmaiden who finally took in how upset the girl was.

"Princess?" She started but Snow didn't let her finish.

"Tell my father I wish to have dinner here with my mother. I want her all to myself for once. I will see him tomorrow," she asserted in a much stronger voice than both Regina and Johanna were used to hear from her and it showed. Their eyebrows flew up but the Queen recovered quicker than the servant. She smirked satisfyingly while Johanna gaped.

"But Snow, surely you don't mean…" She was cut off again.

"You heard me Johanna, now please relay my message to Father," Snow all but ordered.

Her handmaiden stayed put for a moment until Regina intervened.

"Your heard the Princess, now would be a good time to do as you're told," her tone was low but firm. No matter how she felt about Snow inviting herself without asking for her permission, the simple pleasure of one-upping the so-called governess was worth suffering her stepdaughter's presence a bit longer.

"As you wish, Your Highness, I will inform the King right away," Johanna said, admitting defeat.

"Oh and Johanna, the next time you gossip about me, make sure the Princess isn't in the vicinity. I'm sure you do not want to lose your position by her side over such trifles," the threat was clear and the servant's face turned a bright crimson. She looked from the Queen to her young charge before curtsying deeply.

"Of course, Your Majesty, I understand. It will not happen again," the older woman stammered apologetically.

Regina nodded at her in dismissal, watching as Johanna closed the doors carefully as she left.

"You knew?" Snow asked in wonder.

"That you had heard those things from your handmaiden? It wasn't very difficult to figure it out, dear, I have never heard you talk to her that way," Regina explained.

The Princess looked down. "She doesn't like you. She thinks you don't love us, that you only want to be Queen," she muttered.

"We both know that's not true, don't we?" Regina said, raising Snow's chin with the tip of her fingers.

"Why can't they all mind their own business and leave us alone?" The girl asked, crossing her arms and looking away, pouting in a childish manner that Regina would have once found endearing but which seemed just annoying now.

She sighed, feeling the beginning of a throb at her temples threatening to become a full blown headache if she didn't manage to get a grip over herself.

"The court is like a puppet show, Snow, we are always in representation for their enjoyment. They get to judge every single move we make, they get to comment and criticize. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, as long as they believe it."

Snow pondered her words for a moment. "Things won't be like that when I rule," she said at last.

 _It certainly won't, not if there is anything I can do about it_ , Regina thought. "I'm sure you will do brilliantly, dear," she told the girl instead and Snow beamed at her.

Hours later, Regina found herself reading a story to Snow -even if the girl was way too old for that- in her bed, watching as her eyelids grew heavier and heavier.

"You'll stay with me always, won't you Mother?" Snow asked sleepily, snuggling into her side.

"Of course, I will Snow," Regina answered, stroking her cheek gently. _I will stay until I see the light leave your eyes once and for all, until you have suffered as much as I have_ , she mused, her ministrations lulling the girl to sleep and she dropped one final kiss on her forehead before succumbing herself, her mind whirling with various scenarios of murder and mayhem and a smirk on her face.


	2. For the night is dark

_For Day 4 of Snow Queen Week: Night Terrors. Set in early season 3 right before they get to Neverland and then during their stay there. Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine. Thanks so much to my lovely sisters, Lolymoon and Thornspike for their feedback. (Title borrowed from Game of Thrones)._

 _Disclaimer: They're not mine, I just borrow them sometimes for feels reasons._

 _Hope you like it, please let me know._

* * *

 **For the night is dark and full of terrors**

As Snow White ascended the steep stairs that connected the deck to the cabins below, she wasn't surprised to find her former stepmother, and not so former arch nemesis, in pretty much the same place and position as she had been when Snow and David had left to get some rest. Although she wondered how Regina hadn't collapsed yet given the events of the past few days.

She approached her cautiously, never knowing where they stood, and given their earlier exchange of words and fists, that had left their marks on the Queen turned Mayor's cheek, she felt even more justified in her prudence.

Snow leaned on the wooden railing by Regina's side, suppressing a sigh when the other woman immediately tensed up at her appearance.

"You should catch some sleep while we still can. God knows what's awaiting us on this island," Snow suggested, careful to keep her tone even but Regina still bristled.

"You really don't want me to do that," she snapped.

This time, Snow did sigh. "Regina, we all need to be at the top of our games to save Henry."

The older woman laughed humorlessly, shaking her head. "Do you really think I don't know that? I know exactly what's at stake here. You may have convinced yourselves that I somehow stole Henry from your can-do-no-wrong daughter, but the fact remains that I raised him, I am the reason he is who he is today. Me, not Emma Swan. Henry is MY son, nothing you do or say will ever change that. You can keep us apart but it won't make it go away that she abandoned him and never tried to find out what happened to him until he came to look for her," she was breathless by the end of her rant, trembling, her fists clenched by her sides from the effort it took to keep her voice low enough not to be heard by Hook, who was standing at the tiller, pretending not to try and listen in on them. Her eyes were flashing madly and Snow took a step back, wide eyed.

"Regina, I…" she tried but it wasn't a bad thing that she was cut off because she had no idea what she could possibly say.

"No, Snow, you don't get to talk. I have had enough of your lectures and endless reproaches. Earlier you said that I ruined your life but what have I ruined? You have been reunited with your perfect Charming husband and your precious saviour daughter. Once more the band of peasants worship the very ground you walk on. And what do I have? You took everything from me, my son, my mother, my town. Everything I had built you took, again, but it doesn't matter, does it? Because I'm the villain so it is what I deserve, isn't it?" She paused, waiting for an answer that never came for Snow still couldn't think of anything to say.

"Do you know what happens when I fall asleep? I see you standing there handing me my mother's heart, knowing exactly what will happen when I put it back in, I see you and your husband plotting to either leave me behind and taking my son or imprisoning me in a cell to spend the rest of my days, I see you accusing me of murdering Archie and then saying that you forgot to tell me you knew I was innocent and in the next breath that I don't need to be told about my son's whereabouts. When I think that I had come to you that day to tell you that my mother was in town and trying to lure me back to her. I wanted to do the right thing but what was the point really?"

Snow felt sick to her stomach as Regina went on and on, unable to stop now that she had started.

"So no Snow, you do not want me to go to sleep because each time I wake up I have to think long and hard about what is stopping me from wiping your entire family from the face of this Earth once and for all and take my son, leaving all of this behind us," her voice cracked, the angry tears that had been pooling in her eyes until then finally trailed down her cheeks.

The younger brunette stood frozen, watching her former stepmother whom she had always thought of as some sort of indestructible force, fall apart in front of her eyes.

Regina turned away, struggling to breathe and control her sobs, hating herself for even showing an ounce of weakness to that girl. She hadn't even realised how much of it she had internalized until the dam broke.

"This was never what I wanted," Snow whispered, swallowing down the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Well, that's really too bad now, isn't it?" Regina replied, her voice sounding too gravelly even to her own ears.

"Regina, we need to work together to get Henry back. We have to put all of this behind us and move forward," the Princess tried but the Queen laughed that hollow sound again.

"It's easy for you to say, no matter what occurs on this godforsaken island, you won't lose much. If the worst were to happen to Henry, I would have no reason to go on. Although I guess that would probably solve a few of your problems."

Snow gasped, horrified. "How can you say that? We will find him and bring him back, all together, you included."

"I will believe it when I see it. I have seen what you are capable of Snow, I would put nothing past you," Regina retorted.

"Don't you think that's a bit hypocritical of you?" Snow asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

Regina looked at her pointedly. "Isn't it your worst nightmare to become like me?"

Snow looked down and muttered. "It wasn't always."

Regina's eyebrows flew up as she caught her statement. "Well, you should have remembered that before, when it still meant something."

She turned around and walked away, leaving her once stepdaughter gawping after her. She joined Hook, who offered her some of his rum, and tried -and failed- to subtly question her about her altercation with the Princess. She dismissed him but accepted the flask, the warmth of the strong alcohol a welcome relief after having given away so much to the last person she ever wanted to confide herself in.

Snow's eyes were burning from unshed tears as she stared at the woman she had once looked up to so fervently. She wondered, not for the first time, when Regina had lost herself, and if there ever would be a way to get back the young woman who had saved her life. Henry is the only one for whom she would ever want to change and we have prevented this from happening for months, she thought as she went back below deck to her husband.

* * *

It had to happen, Regina had to crumple at some point. Snow had noticed how she pretended to sleep but never looked rested in the mornings (can one even talk about mornings when the sun never seems to shine in this land of eternal night?), with her arms crossed over her chest and her brow furrowed, never relaxed, never letting her guard down. It couldn't go on for long.

The Princess was on night watch when she caught the first twitches and whimpers coming from the Queen's corner. She observed her for a few moments, holding her breath, waiting to see if it would turn into a real nightmare or not. She remembered from long ago some nights where she could hear Regina's terrified screams from her own room and she shivered at the memory.

Regina was laying rigid and Snow could see tears falling silently, a whimper of pain escaping her from time to time until her body convulsed, and suddenly it was clear when and where her mind was trapped. Snow fought the urge to hurl as an onslaught of sensations threatened to overwhelm her from the time she had seen and felt things through Regina with the help of one of her tears. The pain was unlike anything she had ever felt before, so intense and raw, all her nerve endings on fire, she just couldn't understand how someone could ever survive it.

It was too much, she couldn't let Regina suffer through this again. No matter what the other woman thought, no matter how cruel they sometimes could be with one another, no one deserved this kind of torment.

She stumbled to her side, falling on her knees and seized her arms with shaky hands. The reaction was immediate, Snow was pushed back with a wave of magic, landing heavily on her back, winded, while Regina straightened up, confused and scared, before her eyes fell on Snow's form on the ground.

"What do you think you're doing?" The sorceress asked, hoping the girl wouldn't hear the tremble in her voice.

"You looked in pain, I was just trying to wake you from your nightmare," Snow answered softly, pressing a hand over her chest as she regained her breathing.

"Oh," Regina let out, looking troubled.

"Like you, I have had enough of them to know how it feels not to have anyone to stop them," the younger brunette stated plainly, no judgement in her voice, just a simple fact.

Her once stepmother looked away, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

"We did mean it, you know," Snow added and Regina turned back towards her, lifting an eyebrow, a questioning look on her face. "You are family. There is a lot of bad blood and a lot of unresolved issues but you are. We went about it all wrong but it's not too late. It's never too late. We will get your son back," she continued, looking from Emma, lying oblivious a few steps away, to Regina, "and when we're home, maybe we can try, for Henry's sake, to be civil, to show a united front," she threw Regina a tentative smile, eyes brimming with hope and the other woman exhaled, closing her eyes tightly for a minute, and then nodding slowly.

"Let's take it one day at a time, shall we?" She said at last. "I will cover the rest of the shift, go get some rest," she added in a much gentler voice than Snow had had the chance to hear in a very long while.

 _Nothing was solved, not in one night, but it was a start_ , Snow thought as she laid her head on Charming's chest, letting his heartbeat calm her down until the pull was too hard to resist and her eyes closed. It was strange but she felt strangely comforted by the heavy weight of Regina's stare. Maybe there was still a chance, even after everything. She was determined to try.


	3. You're not dying

_Posted on tumblr for Day 7 of Snow Queen Week: Free day, anything you want. A little something inspired by the deleted scene from ep 3x13 "Witch Hunt" and Regina's note to the Mssing Year. Big thanks to Lolymoon for her feedback, you rock girl!_

* * *

 **You're not dying**

* * *

Snow doesn't know when things really shifted, when she became certain that giving Regina another chance was the best decision she could have made. She thinks it must have been at some point between her former step-mother managing to save Henry when neither Emma or anyone else could do it, and her committing the ultimate sacrifice of letting him go to save both the boy and the whole town… again.

For years Snow had clung to anything that reminded her of the young woman who had saved her once upon a time, and finally she had seen her again. All broken and put together roughly by a bit of glue and the clumsy hands of a child, but still there.

She could see the kind of mother Regina had been for Henry, and when she pushed down jealousy's ugly head that whispered in her ear " _Why couldn't she be like that with you?_ ", she smiled at the sight with tears in her eyes.

Then, it was gone, they were, a son and grandson, a daughter and friend, in a yellow bug and a puff of smoke, taking a part of both Regina and Snow's heart with them.

The once again Princess had feared that the Queen would revert to her old ways with her anchor out of reach, and she had been proved right when she had come upon the other woman burying her heart in the woods. It had been easier than she had first thought to convince her not to do it and it probably should have been her first clue, but a dimpled, forest-smelling thief and his merry band of outlaws had distracted them all, along with the flying beasts they had saved them from.

Sarcastic and harsh barbs had been expected, and in a way welcomed because it meant that Regina still had some fight in her, still could be the driving force not to be underestimated they so desperately needed in those troubled times.

The nagging worry was still there though, waiting for a sign that all hell would break loose, until something she had been completely unprepared for happened; Robin Hood's son was put in harm's way and Regina had swooped in and saved him, a plush toy and a sincere soft smile to top it all off. Snow's heart had constricted painfully, a flying monkey had replaced the horse but this scene had hit too close to home nonetheless.

 _This little boy will never betray her_ , Snow had thought bitterly but the dread and apprehension had lessened their hold as she had thought Regina would make it, that she could be okay.

She was wrong though and David just handed her the living proof that no matter what she believes she doesn't know the woman she had once called 'Mother' well enough.

" _The day we met I saved your life. Thank you for trying to save mine._ " A cold sensation invades her, her blood freezes in her veins and she knows, she knows what those words mean and why Regina wrote them instead of telling them herself.

"She is not planning on coming back," the realisation is spoken out loud before she has time to process it properly but it is the truth, one she can't accept. Regina has never given up, in all the years they have known each other, she has always been the most relentless person she has ever met.

Snow wants to stop her but she is far away and there is another witch out for their heads. She clings to the hope that Robin, who has followed the Queen to settle his debt, or so she has been told, will be able to protect her from herself.

She waits and waits, clinging to Charming's hand, her nails leaving marks on his skin but he doesn't complain, and when the shield is down, she stands up immediately. She takes the lead, her husband by her side. She fears the worst when Robin is the only one to welcome them, but a quick and entirely silent exchange, consisting of a loaded gaze and a nod towards the Apple Tree court, lets her know all she needs to.

She hurries, pushing people out of her way in an uncharacteristic manner and embraces Regina unceremoniously, not letting go until the woman has relaxed somewhat in her hold.

"If you ever do something like that again, I will hunt you down wherever you cursed yourself to, if it's the last thing I do," Snow warns her, in such a serious tone that the Queen is taken aback, but then she scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"Please, you couldn't handle it."

"Try me."


End file.
